DGT 0 - SUSA 1
I'm half a driver now.
Theoretical part, passed. The license is just 1/2 away.
I can't wait for the driving classes. Gears, clutch, speed.
And talking about speed. I got NFSU today. It's already installed. Jay and I are gonna have fun.
Gran Turismo can go to hell.
here without you
I'm listening to this song for the first time and you can't imagine how much it reminds me of you.
It even made me shudder. With a big smile on my face.
This gotta be love.
I remember that sms you sent with the chorus lyrics. Back in August or end of July.
/mood in love
That talk on the phone was exactly what I needed.
I miss you more than I thought I would. I thought id be used to saying good bye by now. Seems i'm not.
I can't wait for the nex time. Driving your new motorbike, burning dvd's, playing NFSU. Who would've said I'd get addicted to a videogame? I guess they're not that bad afterall. It just depends on the game, who you play with and the reward you get/give after a race. I liked the kisses more than the NOS. And NOS is a damn cool thing. ;-)
Save my profile. Win some races for me. Get me more NOS. And pink paint.
I'm listening to Mae's last cd. The Everglow. Neat. Great music.
Another cd that it's gonna kick ass is Fall Out Boy's, Under the cork tree. It's gonna be my early birthday gift to me (hehe). Comes out may 3rd. Yay.
Another cd I want is Cry Havoc's. This band from California is amazing.
Chech them out.
:: Did you know; how you would move us, did you know.
:: When the lights, first came upon us,
:: and we, saw the everglow.
:: and the moments magic swept us away.
:: and the young mans dream, was almost seen to plain.
:: When was the night,
:: that showed us the sign.
:: Revealed in the sky, to leave all behind.
:: But where to begin? throw the caution, to the wind.
:: We’ll reach for the stars, everything is now ours.
- We're so far away, Mae -
un red bull y medio (cause my sister said so)
I'm in a total whiny/dull mood. I feel unwanted, unneeded and unmissed. And I dont care if i'm making up words or misspelling them.
Boys can be a real mess.
I'm thinking about what this guy told me last night but it doesn't help much. "Don't worry about the boy, we have a natural handicap when it comes to know when not to be casual".
I want a hug, and a kiss and a "love you like damn crazy" look. Or a cute sms.
I proclaim myself the lousiest drama queen in history.
I think i'm gonna smack myself in the face. I need to get out of this feeling.
1, 2, 3.. smile!
Aw, I wish I didnt get thrilled so easily, and so dramatic when things dont turn out the way I expected them to.
I'm sorry. I just wanted to fall asleep after a long talk on the phone with you while watching a movie that reminds me of us. And I wanted you just for me our last 12 hours together, cuddling in your sofa, kissing without being interrupt.
Wanted to get the most of you these 5 days, and tonight.
But it's alright. I guess not being a priority doesn't mean you don't love me at all.
I'm off for a movie. But first: clean laptop's screen. I dont know how the fuck it could get so dirty. Fingerprints everywhere. I'm a mess.
moodswing
Back from Germany.
I've just deleted what I had already written. I'll swallow my words. Afterall it was just saying how much I miss...
you.
That was a short call.
Oh well... I'll cry myself to sleep.
70 mb/second
Movies, band practise + recording and friends have made this weekend a lot better than I thought I'd be.
Thank you everyone for caring and asking how I was feeling.
4 days and I'll be in Germany. I wanna take Jay with me. He'd make the wait at the airport much more bearable.
I love my laptop.
(I've downloaded a cd in less than 15 seconds. 2 mb/sec. THIS is broadband)
eyes burning
Today was supposed to end the same way as it started. Great.
Class was good (understood everything, the teacher was cool...). Came home. Ate. Slept. Studied. Curiosity mood. ;-)
Around 9:30 I go to eat dinner. Fish. Suprisingly I like it. My sis calls me from the comp room. Ash wants to talk to me. It's important she said.
It fucking was. "Mom is gone. She passed away yesterday afternoon".
No, hell, no.
I haven't got used to the idea of she being... gone. And it already hurts bad.
I wish I'd called last week as I said. I wish I could've seen her. It's been more than 2 years. I wish I were there right now to give them all the biggest hug. They're like family. Kris was like a mom for me.
I was just waiting for the right time to go over again. When they weren't so busy with doctors, hospitals.
So many memories are coming to my mind... Those awsome conversations we had in the morning while Ash and Lisa were still sleeping. I remember it like it was yesterday. Me sitting at the basement stairs, watching you paint, talking about the most random stuff, and boys.
I miss you. Damn much.
I'm off to bed. This hurts.
randomness
A few people saved my night. No superheros. Just good listeners. Some of them people I haven't even met yet.
I guess I'll spend an hour thinking about this. I mean, how good it can be sometimes to talk to people you dont know at all.
Not forgeting those who're always there and haven't failed today.
The day hadn't been so extremly bad at all. I had a really good time with Kike at lunch time, walking around, going to get (finally!!) the comics (which I really recomend you to get. Im no comic freak but this shit is good:
DEMO by brian wood and becky cloonan) and talking about my staring problem (lol) and the "stare at people to freak them out" game.
Thank you Jean-Louis for the talk tonight. I loved it. Thank you Eric for the same reason. You boy know how to make me laugh.
Who would have said i'd finish the day laughing my ass off?? This is great.
thank you
How much can I thank this guy I don't even know? Definitely not enough.
For real: Thank you, Nach. That comment just made my day.
I think I'll start to take things differently. If everything goes fine from now on, with the new poin of view over the studying, consider yourself at least a bit responsible.
Thanx a lot again!!
(Thank you too, Samu. We're so gonna make it!)
"So, come on, lighten up... after all being the nerdiest has a price! And a Telecomm girl is just cool xD"
Boy, you're rad!!
drowning
It's 11:53 am and the day's gone like shit so far.
My heart's just sunk. I feel like someone was strangling me from the inside, holding on really tight to my lungs, making it hard to breath.
Me and my craze for living in delusion... Shit, I knew this would happen. I knew sooner or later reality would strike me in the face. And still I'm all surprised about it.
I don't get me. Despite the fall I know I'll keep daydreaming, making up shit that'll never happen, and feeling like crap everytime I touch the ground.
Miles and time suck ass. Things would be easier in the world i've been living in.
And uni is putting me down and down too.. Like if I hadn't enough already...
Class this morning has been hell. I felt like the teacher was talking a different language. I'm totally lost and he comes and says: "any doubts here? cause what I'm about to explain now is pretty difficult.." wtf? so all he said before was easy?? I really couldn't tell any difference between one thing and another, it all looked chinese...
That's scary. It's what? like second week of second semester? and i dont get a thing. What is it gonna be like in a month?
Good bye to going out next friday. I gotta catch up.
I CANNOT keep screwing up all my life.
:: Tears struggling to cover my eyes and
:: find out how this could be so much harder.
:: You don't deserve it.
:: [...]
:: All I can't say it's no one's fault,
:: just our ways crossed.
:: Please take away all the pain I've caused...
- Crossed ways, Pictures Of Shorelines -
reality scares me to death
I should start considering getting my feet back on the ground. I've been going up too high for the last past weeks and I'm scared the fall would be fatal.
I've just tripped over insecurity and it's only matter of time that I bump into reality.
I just don't wanna wake up yet. Call me suicide. All I am is dumb as hell.
I need a plane. I wanna be there for the first show.
5 out of 5
At times like this I wish I was dead. I feel like all i've been doing, tho it's not been much, has been for nothing. All down the drain. Another year lost.
I'm stating to lose hope..
Ritual suicide anyone??
