Thursday, November 6, 2003

yuck fou

I'm getting sick of caring, sick of reading all your whining, all your complaints about your life and lack of affection. I'm sick of only knowing about you and how your're doing by your lousy journal. Sick of checking it every 2 hours in order to find something that makes me smile and finding nothing at all. Not a single time. Not even a tiny comment. Sick of writting about you all the time. But belive me, it'll be over soon. I'll learn how to forget as fast as you already knew. And I won't ever feel bad again. I'll build up a defensive wall around me if its necessary. Around my HEART. And fuck you cause I'm a girl and I won't sound mushy if I say you're ripping my heart out. And fuck my strategy of pretending that I hate you cause it doesn't make me stronger, cause it doesnt work shit. And fuck all this crap I'm turning my days into because of you and your coolness. I have a life. A kick ass life full of kick ass people. It sucked to hear one of those people has been having a hard time lately too. Forget about him, I'll say. You know its not that easy, you'll say. and I know it's not. but I promise I'll do my best to cheer you up, whether you forget him or not. You deserve nothing but the best. you are one of my greatest friends ever. I know I could never find anyone like you. You mean a lot to me. You've always been there. Thanx. Thanx a lot.

I'm done for tonight. You didn't come online today. Lucky you. Lucky me. That fucking strategy is not working. I might change the method, but be sure I wont stop pretending.

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