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cry on hold

Last night i sensed a tear making its way to my left eye and i thought "hey, maybe tonight i'll cry out all the shit ive been keeping inside for months" but i fell asleep before that started to happen.
Tonight at Oscar's show a tear made it to my right eye, helped by certain lyrics that reminded me of things, but i decided that was the furtherst it would go, and the only one that would come out, cause it wasnt the adequate moment, nor place.
A brief remark about the show: it was a lot better than i expected. I liked the music, liked the lyrics and of course loved seeing one of my closest friends up in stage living out a dream. I spent most of the show thrilled to pieces, except obviously during that one or two songs when i had a lump in my throat.

Anyway, this post was about those little water drops we call tears and how ive been keeping them on the edge everytime they've surfaced, for doing it at the worst possible time, in the worst possible place.
About how i look forward to a good cry cause i know it'd leave me feeling much better.
I dont like these ups and downs. I dont like this im hopeless-im hopefull.
I hate these thoughts that cross my head way too often lately. These thoughts where i blame myself for being stupid, when others are the ones to blame. These thoughts where i think im worthless. Where i think im never good enough.

posted by susiluz @ 5:01 AM